My Love Lesson

Love.

So I’ve been attempting to wrap my mind around this word, love. During the past few days, I’ve been keeping a mental list of phrases I’ve heard people use this word. Some that I have overheard are:

1. “Don’t you just love this heat?”
2. “I love your sister, she’s the best.”
3. “I love naps.”
4. “I love you” Said from my friend to her husband
5. “I love how you twist everything I say into an argument” Said by one angry mother to her hyper daughter in the Wal-Mart checkout line.
6. “I love volunteering and helping” and
7. “I will always love you.”

I think I’ve always struggled with defining love, acting love, saying love and being love. I remember in college I used to ask my close girlfriends to continually pray that I would just ‘love’ people. I even bought a few books spelling out God’s love and how that should look in my every day fellowship with others. I thought I had it figured out once. I thought for a few years, that love was just love. Maybe I was overanalyzing things again. My friend Karl and I often joke about overanalyzing everything and maybe this was one of those moments. Maybe love was just love. Plain and simple.

About five years ago I met a friend by the name of Jeremy. He and I had a strong friendship. I felt he needed love. His family life was never loving. He experienced abuse, hatred and disappointment his entire life. Meeting him came right in the middle of my ‘love lesson’ from God. I thought, well isn’t this perfect…I don’t know how to fully love, yet God is bringing me someone to practice on. Jeremy and I bonded quickly, and our friendship was based on trust and truth, so I thought. Just when I thought love was easy, it wasn’t. Over a few months, it became so hard to love Jeremy. How in the world was I supposed to love someone who lied to me, who didn’t show me respect? I was just about to throw in the towel and then the Holy Spirit led me to the heart of love.

Now, I must confess that growing up I cringed when I thought about going to a wedding, only because I was sick and tired of hearing 1 Corinthians 13:4…”Love is patient, Love is kind…” You all know that by heart. It’s on every wedding invitation, every thank you card and usually it’s read at most ceremonies. So the night I was sitting on my bedroom floor in tears because I didn’t know how I could possible love this friend and the Lord brought be this scripture, you can only imagine my reaction. I literally laughed out loud and thought there is no way, after all these years, I’m going to learn love from this annoying passage. Oh the learning I had to do! Shame on me.

For the next year, I studied 1 Corinthians 13:4. I studied it in and out, up and down, backwards and forwards. I studied what context love was being taught in that passage. I started journaling about my love encounters with this friend and my love encounters with my Jesus. How do I show love to Jeremy amongst the hurt he has caused me? And in return, how does my Jesus show love to me amongst the hurt I have caused Him. What a lesson to be learned.
In this love lesson, I learned agape. Agape love. Agape is Greek for ‘love.’ But let’s dig a little deeper. What exactly does agape mean? The concept of agape is God’s love for humanity. This love is selfless, undeserving, never-ending and most importantly self-sacrificial. He loves me selflessly. I am never deserving of His love. After all my mistakes and holes I’ve dug, I don’t deserve it. Yet He freely gives. Over abundantly gives. It is never ending. There is nothing I can do to stop Him from loving me. I can’t cancel my subscription, I can’t mess up enough. It never ends. Then comes the most powerful and important part. He loved me so much; He agape me to the extent of sacrifice.

He sacrificed His life.

Because he agape me.

Me, a sinner.

That my friends, is love.

And guess what? He calls us to love like He loved. He says, have a heart like Jesus. Because I have forgiven you, I want you to forgive. And because I have loved you, you also are to love. This love lesson was intense. He reminded me, in the subtle way the Lord does, that this love lesson was something to be watered and would grow with time. He reminded me that continually growing in His word, my love would also grow.

So this is my passion in life. I yearn to fully be chasing after God’s heart so that in my life, I might define love, I might learn love, I might show love and that I might be love.

He agape you, so that you might agape others.

Love freely. Love like Jesus.

Things Educators Should Never Say

So as many of you know, I am teaching a course this summer at Bellevue University in Bellevue, Nebraska. I start tomorrow, June 8th. I am teaching CA109 Oral Communciations every Tuesday from 6-10pm for 10 weeks. This is something that I am very thrilled about, but am very unprepared for. I'll be the first to admit that I put off doing the back work for this class until...well, today.

Currently I am sitting in the Kansas City International Airport. I just flew in after spending six days with my brother and his fiance Kayla Blancho in Columbus, Ga. (I will post another blog about their engagement) I am sitting here and as I'm researching for my class tomorrow night I come across a funny little blurb in the text that I'm reading. Enjoy!

Book: In The Company of Others; an introduction to communication
Author: J. Dan Rothwell

These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teacherse in the New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded but boy, are these funny!!

1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
2. I would not allow this student to breed.
3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.
4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
6. The stuent has a "full six-pack" but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.
7. This child has been working with too much glue.
8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.
9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
11. It's impossible to believe that the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.
12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.

Life's To-Do List

Sorting through life is an interesting task. There are a lot of steps involved in this never ending to-do list. This list actually starts the day we are born, doesn’t it? We are expected to grow, crawl, walk, talk, count, think for ourselves, process good from bad, right from wrong, make the right decisions, pass a class, graduate, make a good college choice, make a good friend choice, make a good career choice, re-evaluate our friend choice from college, and of course, all ending with making a good life decision.

Sometimes, however we find ourselves in a place that seems cluttered and we decide to clean it up. We decide that this ‘dirty laundry’ has congested our way far too long so we decide to de-toxify that room. So we sort through the good and the bad. Tossing out the toxic items, whether it’s people, places or things and then organizing, prioritizing the good. In the mean time, we are sisters, and brothers, moms and dads, best friends, co-workers, employees, volunteers, thinkers, planners, do-ers, social life’ers, and….take a breath…there’s always more, isn’t there?!

So here’s my question. What happens when, amongst all this crazy to-do list, life decides to happen? I’m talking about those situations that weren’t necessarily on our to-do list. It seems like in the past two years, life and death has been the topic of many joyful, yet heavy hearts in my ‘life community.’ My dear friend from college celebrated her twin’s two-year-old birthday a few months ago. Two of my college girls have gotten married, and the third is planned for next month. That’s the good life, right? These are blessing from the Lord that come at times when we least expect it, and to be honest, wasn’t really on our (immediate) to-do list. So in these times, we celebrate. We thank the Lord for His blessings and gifts of love; for family and friends to share these moments with.

But then what happens when the hard part of life creeps in at the most inconvenient times? I’m talking about the part of life that isn’t life. I’m talking about death. My dear friend Rachel of five years married the love of her life a few years ago. Matt is perfect for her and vice-versa. I have never seen such an open, loving, communiticave, random, fun relationship in my life. I’ve said from day one of their relationship, that their love is what I want. So amongst Rachel getting a promotion, getting a new job, going to graduate school, and amongst Matt getting a new job, getting a promotion and also attending school, life happened. Actually, life happened for the 4th and 5th time. For years Matt and Rachel have been fighting for Matt’s life. A few months ago, a young 24 years old Matt underwent his 5th surgery to try and tame the cancer in his body. After this last surgery, things weren’t going as planned even for a ‘cancer to-do list.’ Praise the Lord Matt and Rachel found some answers. They aren’t the ones we’d like to hear, like “The cancer is gone and is never coming back,” but the Lord is giving them a few more months/years together and we are so thankful and blessed for that.

A man that I knew died instantly in a dune-buggie accident nearly eight weeks ago. He left his wife of 4 years and unborn twin girls to live the life he’ll never have. When consoling my dear friend, his sister-in-law the weeks following, I had to ask myself; How are we supposed to see God in this? How is it fair that a young man’s life is ripped away from him before he turned 30, before he became a daddy? This is what I’ve concluded…

So if we celebrate life when it first happens, i.e. births, relationships and marriage, are we to also celebrate when it ends? Difficult to say, but yes. And many of us know this to be true. When attending funerals and memorials of those we love, or those we supported in life, it’s such a blessing to find these events to be pure celebrations of life.

You see the steadfast thing about life and death is the fact that it revolves around our Creator, the Perfector of life. Psalm 139 tells me that “you knit me together in my mother's womb.” In Jeremiah 29:11, the Lord says “For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” So here’s what I got; life happens, good or bad, it’s always going to happen. When completing our to-do list we’ll add items and remove them as we see fit but the comforting fact is our editor is the best there is, hands down.

Psalm 23

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

2 He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters,

3 he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, [a] I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

6 Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

Girl Talk

I’ve decided that high school kids are either wonderful or horrible. There are no in-between students. They either have good intentions or bad ones. In my two months of presenting in high schools in Nebraska and Iowa, I’ve seen my share of both types of students. This week at West Lyon High School in Iowa, I witnessed three girls attempt being nice and sweet to their counselor. I had a few hours to work between presentations and I made myself at home in an office right off of the counselors office. I’m not sure if these girls were in her office because they had study hall, but they certainly weren’t working. I would put Ms. Mulder between 34-40 years old. The two girls in her office were in my senior class, so they are 17-18. Here’s what I overheard:

Student 1: Ms. Mulder, why haven’t you found the right guy yet?

Ms. Mulder: Because the right one doesn’t exists.

Student 2: He does exist. Do you want me to help you find him?

Ms. Mulder: What makes you think there is a guy out there for me?

Student 1: Because there has to be. He’s out there; you just need to do some things.

Ms. Mulder: What do you mean, I need to do some things?

Student 1: We are going to take you shopping and get you some new hip clothes, then we are going to get your hair did and then get MaryKay and do your make up, because yea, you need it.

Student 2: Yea!! And then we are going to take you out on the town!! I mean, ON THE TOWN!

Ms. Mulder: You girls are 17. How are you going to take me out on the town?

They continued talking. Ms. Mulder told the girls that guys don’t like her because she’s always involved in sports, watching her newphews and her college team, etc. The girls told her that was stupid, because all guys liked girls who like sports. Ms. Mulder said, well I’m too busy, guys don’t like a woman that is never home. I figured the conversation was going nowhere and to be honest I was surprised that Ms. Mulder was even talking to the girls about this at all. I would have assumed she would have stopped the conversation after the very first question. To my amazement Ms. Mulder then said.

Ms. Mulder: So when are we going to do this…the clothes and hair and make up?

I was shocked. Then I laughed and then I went to my next class.

Freedom

I remember when he came into my life.

He was a baby. He was new. He was mine.

He was my brother. I was proud to have his as my brother.

Mom said I bonded quickly. She said I talked about him a lot.

This is “my brother” I would say.

I have to admit, it hasn’t changed. I still tell everyone about “my brother.”

Today my brother left for the US Army. Today my brother left to fight for freedom.

Ironically, however, Freedom isn’t free.

Freedom is watching my mother weep over saying goodbye to her youngest.

Freedom is feeling my heart clinch while I hug him for just 30 seconds more before I walk away.

Freedom is seeing grown men cry at the sight of the American flag.

Freedom are the goose bumps I get every single time I stand and sing along to our National Anthem.

Freedom are the tears that have been shed for the lives lost at war.

Freedom is young men and women all over this world giving their all for a country they believe in.

Freedom is my country.

Freedom is my brother.

A lot of things have changed over the years as Laird and I have grown up.

The thing that hasn’t changed, amidst all the trials and pains of life, I’m still proud of him.

I’m proud of my brother.

I’m proud that he is going to fight for our freedom, for our country.

My brother, my soldier, my roll-of-the-eyes when he says something stupid, my laughter at every Christmas taking pictures for mom, my “it’s going to be ok Neen, I promise” when I start to stress the trials of life.

My brother. I miss you already. Stay strong, fight hard and keep your eyes on Jesus. After all, when it comes down to it, He is our true Freedom.

Existing Attributes

For some reason, driving through small towns in an area I’m not familiar with, like where I grew up, is incredibly fascinating to me. As I pass through small towns such as West Point , Battle Creek and Tiden a slight smile comes across my face when I start to think about how close and supportive small communities can be. As I stopped for lunch at a small subway on one of my trips, I saw a young man with a snow blower outside an elderly man’s house. I knew it was an act of service, because the older gentleman stood porch side, bundled up and offered a handshake once his sidewalks had been cleared. Goodness still exists.

The trees and the land were beautiful on my drive through north central Nebraska. It was as if someone took a feather brush and lightly dusted the every hill and every tree with bright white snow. It was almost as if it was someone’s art work, God’s artwork. Some of the land has not been touched since the most recent snow fall the night before. Roads did not have tire tracks, road signs and highway markers were hiding behind the blanket of snow. I imagined if I were to stand in the middle of the fields I was driving by, I would stand there in complete silence, in the wonder of it all. It looked clean, it was untouched. Purity still exists.

Sunday evening as I ventured out in the cold blowing snow in O’Neill, Nebraska, I found a small place to warm my tummy and ended up warming my heart as well. China Dragon is owned by a lovely couple who invited me into their restaurant and into their lives. I learned they had lived 10 years in Japan, but spent most of their years living in Tiwain. These sweet Chinese people told me of their journeys to Japan, California and Omaha. I saw pictures of their children and grandchildren, they are a beautiful family. I laughed a little when I found that Omaha was on their list of travels to tell me about. I brought a book to read as eating alone provide quailed reading time. However, reading was not going to happen this evening. We talked of my travels to China, the wonders I encountered on the other side of the world. The owner finally said “Your face says Korean to me.” I said, “It does?!” We talked about the Japanese culture and how fun it is to know each other’s story. As I sit there waiting for my Kung Pao Chicken to be prepared, a cup of soup was placed in front of me. “Free soup for you” the young cook from the back said with a huge smile on his face, “It’s free for only you.” I smiled and said “Oh, well thank you so much!” He said “Yes, free for you.” These people were wonderful to me, they gave me free food, I had a lovely conversation and I was invited back on Tuesday. Because after all, “Monday is when I get to spend MY money” the owner informed me. I sat there in delight, deciding to pick up and read a few pages of my book and realized that kind people are at the heart of small communities. Generosity still exists.

O’Neill is my home for this week. I will spend 4 nights and 5 days here. I went to McIntosh Jewelry as the commercial on the radio said “Absolutely everything is on sale! You won’t leave the store without finding something you LOVE!” I walked out empty handed. I paid a visit to Dollar General, Alco and Pamida. I purchased one thing, an extension cord. Tuesday afternoon will be spent scheduling, but not before I go back to see my friends at China Dragon. I walk in and they greet me with big smiles and open arms. “What school did you see today? Did you travel far? How many students did you talk to?” were the questions they asked me all before I could take my coat off. They were excited to hear about my 2 hour round trip to Bassett, Nebraska to visit Rock Country High School. They were even more pleased to hear that the students at that school know of China Dragon and say it’s the best Chinese place around! To see the childlike joy on their faces was priceless. I shared some photos of my China trip with the owner. He loved to hear my stories and how I was in culture shock when I first arrived. There were three other ladies in eating lunch, catching up on school events and church events, talking about the wrestling meet this weekend and if it was worth the trip to go. I am convinced that close friendships between girls, of all ages, are something to be cherished. As I placed my order with the sweet young cook, I picked up my book to see if I could get in a few pages before my food came. To my complete surprise, the young cook comes again, turns his back to three ladies, leaning in close and whispers, with a slight crooked smile “Free soup for you?” I smiled, reached out and touched his hand and said “You are far too kind.” After about 10 minutes I found I was the only customer in the restaurant. The owner and cook came over and we talked about college, life in O’Neill, Chinese and Japanese food. “Oh!” says the owner, “I have a Japanese song for you to hear.” He walks over and plays a sweet song “about romance, about the heart” he tells me. I suggested he sing it to his wife when she walks in. He just laughed and laughed. I finished my meal and went to pay my bill. Yet again, some of my food was free, so I tipped well. I also gave him two DeVry pens. I told him to keep these and if anyone asks you let them know I’m the representative. He was please to have this free gift. He asks “Can I really keep these?” “Absolutely!!” I replied with a huge smile. I said “I will be back in a year” “NOOOOOO!!!!” He said, come back next month.” I explain my territory and told him I promise to come back when I’m in the area again. He reached out, grabbed my hand and said “I will remember you. You are always welcome here.” I touched his hand and said “You are wonderful.” Pure joy still exists.

I rushed into 5th Avenue Espresso, from the blowing wind, to get a cup of coffee after my meal at China Dragon. What an adorable little shop I thought! I was pleased to sit down and spend my afternoon scheduling here. 5th Avenue Espresso was also the town’s video rental store called Encore. Movies and coffee – what a great mix! As I place my card on the counter to pay for my 16 oz Carmen Bravo, “I’m so sorry, we only take cash” is what I’m told. “Can I write a check?” I asked, clearly embarrassed that I didn’t have $2 for the coffee I just ordered. “You can write a check, or you can just bring me the money sometime this week when you get some cash. How does that sound?” How does that sound? That sounds like Mayberry. Am I still in America, the land of dishonesty and theft? I forgot I had stashed $40 cash in my purse for the trip and was able to pay that way. Margarette reminded me that trust still exists.

Goodness, purity, generosity, pure joy and trust still exist. But they only exist because the Lord exists. He makes all things good, all things pure, all things true. What a great reminder this week as I travel the back roads in north central Nebraska. As that old song goes…”On the road again….”